I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize