Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
