turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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