I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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