Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
