we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
