I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
