Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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