guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
