Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
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