I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm always down for nudity.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
