I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
