how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
