My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
