When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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