thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone came in the potted fern
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
