it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
