I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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