She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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