made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
