if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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