Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
