If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
