I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
