I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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