my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
