So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
