I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
