Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
