Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
