he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
