the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
