i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
