There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
