Just cropdusted the office
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
