did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
