Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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