Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
