Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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