My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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