And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
