did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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