is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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