i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
