I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
