The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
