Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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