Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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