I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
