I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
