Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
