That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
