so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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