"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
