Who wears a wallet chain?!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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