Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think I sprained my soul last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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