with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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