If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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