I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.