im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...