Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.