I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
