I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
