I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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